#19: How to be a better listener: The 3 Levels

I am going to share with you a framework be a better listener to increase your leadership skills.

Last week, I was in a meeting and I was fighting to speak. As soon as I started talking, a meeting participant was interrupting me with “uh huh..” “yup…” just waiting for the moment I took a breathe so he could jump in and say what he needed to say. I hear these phrases all the time:

• “Let me finish my thought”
• “give me 30 more seconds”

We shouldn’t have to fight to speak. Equally, we need to learn to give space to others to process and think.

Good listening is good leadership

Unfortunately, many leaders take up a lot of air time speaking. Instead, great leadership starts with actively listening to a team and understanding perspectives, pain points and ideas.

Want to learn to be a better listener? Learn about the 3 levels of listening and practice moving from Level 1 to Level 2 & 3.

The 3 Levels of Listening 

Level 1: Selective Listening

This was the example I gave above and unfortunately, the level of listening that I see in most personal and professional environments. Instead of listening to what the other person is saying, we think about what we want to say. We zone out.

Level 1 Behaviors to Avoid:

1. Interrupting phrases while someone is speaking like ”uh huh…” “yeah, yeah, yeah…”
2. Notice when you stop paying attention to someone and are thinking about something in the past or future

Level 2: Attentive Listening

This is being present with your team and giving them your undivided attention. You are curious. You listen to each and every word they are saying.

Level 2 Behaviors to Practice

1. Ask a followup question to what someone has just said. Staying with them on their train of logic.
2. Practice discussion moderation tips #1: “What” Questions and #3: Synthesize Points
3. Paraphrase what someone said in your own words “What I heard you said was…” or “It sounds like….”
4. Notice when your mind is wandering to Level 1 listening and bring yourself back to Level 2.

Level 3: Insightful Listening

This is adding on more data to Level 2 listening and being insightful to what is not said in the room. You are noticing not just what people are saying but how they are saying it. Are they nervous because the pace of their words speed up? Are they potentially uncomfortable and using lots of filler words like “Ums”? Do you feel the energy shift in the room based on body language and your intuition?

Level 3 Behaviors to Practice

1. Observe body language. 90% of communication is non-verbal. 
2. Practice discussion moderation tip #2: Surface Surprises and Tensions
3. Lead with a point of view, even if it is wrong. Based on your Level 2 and 3 listening, if you are sensing something, name it for the person. You might be wrong but it will help them and you accelerate the time toward clarity and understanding.

Summary

Great Listening is the foundation of any meeting and a fundamental leadership skill. Practice behaviors to go from selective listening to attentive and insightful listening.