#10: 6 techniques to manage overtalkers

The dominant personality. The non-listener. The overtalker. We all know this person (or have been this person) who just. won’t. shut. up.

When I lead facilitation trainings, this is the #1 challenging situation that people ask about (#2 is managing senior leaders in the room).

Overtalkers can derail the entire meeting

They can also:

• make everyone check-out
• make everyone feel frustrated at the facilitator’s lack of control
• prevent you from achieving your meeting goal
• create an unhealthy dynamic with that teammate

The good news is that there are tactical and strategic techniques to curb the behavior and get the team back on track. Here are 6 that I use the most often either before, during or after a meeting:

6 techniques to manage overtalkers

1. Obtain an agreement on your facilitation role [before] 

If I know about strong personalities in advance, I either declare my role in the calendar invite or ask for permission to lead the meeting in the room (or both).

Somebody has to be in charge of driving your meeting outcome. Declare it.

This gives you extra authority for the next 30 or 60 minutes to interrupt, redirect or exhibit behaviors that could seem rude without the agreement, depending on your company’s culture.

2. Interrupt and redirect [during]

This might feel uncomfortable for those that avoid confrontation. The good news? This doesn’t have to be aggressive. Here is a common phrase I use:

“Marcus…marcus…marcus…I love that comment about {synthesize what they just said}. I want to hear from other people in the room to see if they have something to add to your perspective.

Yes, you are interrupting, but since you have an agreement about your role, it can be expected. The phrase does 2 things:

• makes the over talker feel heard
• establishes a clear intention to where you are taking the conversation

3. Set a timer that audibly goes off [during]

This is a great passive technique. Before the overtalker is starting their soliloquy, shout out something like “3 minutes for comments before we move on” and set a timer that goes off audibly. They will get the hint.

4. Name the risk [during]

The issue isn’t the overtalking. The issue is the result of the overtalking. The risks could be:

• not reaching your meeting goals
• teammate availability
• engagement in the room

here are two examples:

• Example 1: “Marcus, let’s pause. Margaret goes on vacation next week and I want to make sure we get their perspective”
• Example 2: “Marcus, let’s pause. We have 8 minutes left and I want to make sure we get to a decision on our goal for this week.”

5. Try individual activities [during]

Try discussion moderation techniques like Jot it Down or Small Group Chats to break up the dynamic. You can also use tools like the Parking Lot. We covered these in earlier posts.

6. Ask what is causing the behavior [after]

There is a reason why someone is overtalking and dominating the conversation. They aren’t trying to be an asshole. Something else is usually going on. Here are a few reasons. They:

• process better outloud
• haven’t had their opinions valued in the past
• feel impatient toward the progress of a topic/idea/milestone
• feel overly stressed at work or personal life
• completely unaware they are doing it

Your job as a facilitative leader is to assume positive intent, get curious and ask them directly to understand. Yup, you.

Here are 3 parts of a phrase I like to use to do this:

1. Behavior: Name the observable behavior, not generalities
2. Personal Impact: Let them know what happened to you as a result. This is irrefutable because it happened to you. You aren’t telling them what to do or ganging up on them with the whole group.
3. Understand: Seek to understand whats going on with them.

Example: “Hey Marcus, do you remember yesterday when I set the timer for 3 minutes and you ended up talking for 8 minutes past it? (behavior). I wanted to let you know that I really struggled in that meeting. I was tasked to drive our goals for the week but we ended up running out of time as a result (personal impact). What’s going on? I’d love to understand so we can improve next week’s meeting. (understand)”